This is the best and clearest article on alcoholism and how to deal with it that I have seen. I absolutely agree with the guidance. I had an alcoholic mother, she "cured" herself long after I had married to escape her. She only did this when her life was threatened by her drinking. Alcoholics are totally selfish. Five years ago I ran away with a man I thought I knew well, he was an alcoholic too, he had spent decades concealing the fact from family and friends - he had moved to the USA - I did all the things you shouldn't do. He broke my heart. He used my love to get what he wanted. After three years I left him, but spoke to him every day, still hoped he would "recover". He never lost his love of alcohol, he couldn't imagine a life without it. He died two months ago, sitting in a chair in a rough hostel clutching a bottle of Vodka. The people who cared are left in the wreckage, I wish I had listened when friends told me - "think of yourself" - I would say this to anyone living with an alcoholic, if you can "walk away." If they want you more than the drink, they will find a way to win you back. It's not nice to be second place to a bottle of Vodka. You deserve better! Thank you for this clear and no nonsense article.

I am living with an alcoholic. I am scared. I love him, but he can't stop drinking. I moved in with him about a year ago. I thought if I tried hard enough he would stop. He is verbally abusive, blaming me for any little thing. I used to be a social rum and coke drinker. Now he has me drinking every night with him. I don't want to do this, but i do it because he wants me to. I love this man and that's my problem. I know I have to leave. I'm just weak. The last relationship that I was in, the guy was addicted to porn. I am 52 an you think Iwould be more cautious.

I agree with this article 100%. I know that everything in it is true and should be easy to do however it is not easy. I have been married to an alcoholic for 25 years. We have one child. Every year the drinking gets worse. He has caused me great embarrassment and shame. I have become isolated and I avoid social events. I am watching his mind deteriorate. I can't even imagine what is going on internally especially with his liver. All he talks about is what we will do in retirement and I just don't see that in the picture. He smokes also. He has high blood pressure. I don't know if it will be a stroke or a heart attack or liver failure I hope to God I don't end up being a nursemaid. I obviously love him but I am so exhausted and hopeless and helpless and at this point leaving seems impossible literally and figuratively. He is extremely highly functional and successful at his job. I don't believe I could support myself at this stage in my life. He actually brags about the amount he drinks and makes a big joke of it. No one wants to hear me complain anymore as I don't take any real action to help myself. Found comfort in this article. Love and luck to everyone.

Sara...I am in the exact same situation with the same thoughts as you.

I'm in the same situation as Sara, except I'm 28 and only married 6 months. Somehow I'm just realizing now the long hard life I have set out for myself.

i have lived with my alcoholic husband for about 12 years now. this article is spot on. it took me a very long time to come to terms with this. i have left him at least 4 times. he has quit drinking many times, he's even been hospitalized over this. he still continues to drink. he seems to forget why he wanted to quit in the first place. i have come to the realization that he will not quit. he becomes emotionally abusive, he has done many many things that he probably wouldn't do if he were sober, but he will not stay sober. i do love him, but i also know now that he's never ever going to quit or be consistent or stable. i've learned not to rely on him, i'm independent, and i'm very glad of that. i have actually given up on him at this point in my life. i don't expect anything from him anymore, i don't even believe in him anymore.. so i just live my own life and i've stopped worrying and stressing over him. i love him but i can't do anything to help him

Damn. This makes me think. I'm still quite young - mid 20s. My boyfriend is in the beginning of his 30s. We have lived together for 5 years now. He drinks 2-3 times a week just sitting alone by his computer.. Sometimes he just falls asleep, sometimes he becomes emotional, annoying.. His behavior is quite disruptive to my own daily routine (not getting enough sleep etc), let alone his (sleeping until the evening the next day and/or continuing to drink). But the thing is.. I do love him. He is loyal, kind, never violent, and when he is sober we get along really well. I know he wants to get married and have children and all that.. and I've told him that's not going to happen unless he gets his drinking under control.. The thing is.. it's been like this for a long time.. he's trying to get better, but falls back to his old routine quite quickly. I don't want to, but I feel I am slowly giving up on him... recently I'm on the brink of leaving each time he drinks (and I think It's still possible and I'm not too dependent on him). I just don't know what to do. Whether I should move on or not. I really love him and I doubt I'll find anyone who loves me as much as he does, but I'm just so tired.

It is good to know we are not alone in our dealing with this life wrecking disease. Lana you say it best "walk away" or in some case run as fast as you can. My heart and prayers go out to each and everyone of us.

I have been married to an alcoholic for almost thirty years, and I am so sick of it. I barely drink myself, and although I love my wife, I really am at the end of my tether. We have no children, and I don't really have many people to turn to for support, except perhaps her sisters husband, who does understand, but I can't keep bothering him. We have had so many false dawns, she does try to quit, but it never lasts more than a couple of months, and I get so disappointed in her, and then depressed myself. Just not really sure what my next move is.

I live with my alcoholic twin brother with whom I share the mortgage. My life over the past eight years has been utterly miserable. He is an extremely narcissistic, controlling and bitter shell of a man. My confidence and self esteem has been destroyed by him aiming all his self loathing and bitterness at me. I feel trapped because of the mortgage..... and he knows it. I have tried countless times to help him, which always ends with him getting verbally and emotionally abusive. I'm determined not to become a casualty of his alcoholism, but being drip fed poison by him on a daily basis does chip away at my resolve. I am forty five years old and sometimes feel completely lost and isolated.